


How I Wish I Told A Different Tale

by valiantlybold



Series: Despicable [4]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Space, Euthanasia, Hurt Bucky Barnes, Hurt No Comfort, Implied Cannibalism, M/M, Non-Serum Steve Rogers/Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes | Shrinkyclinks, Poverty, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Space Pirates, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes, tragic backstory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-09
Updated: 2020-01-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:01:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22187497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/valiantlybold/pseuds/valiantlybold
Summary: They are left waiting for Natasha's favor to come through.With nothing else to do, Steve asks questions.Bucky doesn't have the energy to fight him on it.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Series: Despicable [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1457308
Comments: 4
Kudos: 34





	How I Wish I Told A Different Tale

**Author's Note:**

> first fic post of 2020 and its depressing as hell
> 
> i sure hope this isnt indicative of the way the rest of the years gonna play out lol

“I’ve got everything, save for the access code and uniforms,” Stark informed. “But my tailor is working on putting together the uniforms. Paid for express delivery so they should be done by tonight. The access code is a different story. They guard those things like hawks. No way we’re gonna get our hands on one of those.”

“Don’t worry,” Bucky said. “I’ve got it handled.”

Steve hummed. “Yeah, we talked to his ex-wife,” he said bluntly. _“Apparently,_ she can get us one.”

Bucky rolled his eyes. “She knows people, okay? What’s important is that we have a code. Or we _will_ have it, once her contacts get it. She said tonight, maybe tomorrow. We need to move pretty much as soon as we get it, though.”

The woman who wasn’t Pepper but whom he had heard be called Sharon by Steve piped up at that. “What? We can’t move that soon. We’re not ready.”

“We don’t have a choice,” Steve said. “Natasha, the ex-wife, said the codes are only good for a maximum of twenty-four hours. After that, new ones are generated and distributed automatically over their secure network. If we miss the window, the code just puts a target on our backs as soon as we try to use it.”

“And we can’t postpone now. Natasha already called in the favor,” Bucky explained. “We only have one shot at this. Point is, we do it now or we don’t do it at all.”

Stark sighed. He polished off his glass of scotch. “Alright, then. I’ll have the uniforms delivered here. Once you get the code, take your ship out and dock with the Jarvis. The Quinjet’s waiting there. Rhodey’s gonna have it set up and ready to go for you.”

“Okay. Uniforms and code,” Steve said lowly. “Then, the mission’s a go, I guess.”

Stark and Sharon both got up, and Steve did the same. He walked them to the elevator, where they seemed to exchange some heartfelt goodbyes, hugs and all.

Before they stepped onto the elevator, though, Stark called out to Bucky.

“Barnes!”

“What?”

“Good luck. Make it back in one piece and the name’s yours.”

Bucky’s lips pursed tight. He gave a curt nod.

With that, they left.

Steve returned and sat down on one of the couches again.

“So... What do we do now?” he asked.

Bucky shrugged, nursing the last of the gin. “We wait. Nothin’ else to do ‘til we get the code and the uniforms,” he said. “You should should get some rest. Order some food. Still recoverin’, right?”

The blond let out a sigh. He laid down, stretching out across the plush cushions.

“I still can’t believe I willingly went with Pierce,” he admitted, eyes falling closed. “Feels like I should’a seen it comin’, y’know?”

“You were undercover, right? You weren’t a real SHIELD agent or nothin’?”

“No, just undercover.”

“Hm, then don’t dwell on it. I mean, SHIELD’s a bunch’a cops and spies, right? If they can’t tell he’s a bad guy, how the hell were you supposed to?”

Steve hummed. He rolled over on his side. “I guess…”

Bucky put his feet up on the coffee table. He sipped the gin again.

He supposed he could see where Steve was coming from, on the issue. It probably felt obvious about Pierce now that he had proof; made him wonder why he hadn’t seen it before, made him question how he could have missed it.

“Can I ask you something?”

Bucky looked up. Hm, he’d zoned out a little. Steve had moved. He was still on the same couch, though he had drawn nearer to where Bucky sat in his armchair. He was looking at Bucky with those big eyes again, a question on his lips.

“Go for it.”

The blond turned his eyes away.

“What’s a garbage planet?”

Bucky’s jaw clenched.

Hm, no doubt he’d been curious since before the Black Alley. After how Bucky reacted to his comment about talking to Stark, Bucky supposed he couldn’t blame the guy. He would have been just as curious, if their places were reversed.

“It’s what the name implies,” Bucky said.

Steve’s brows furrowed tightly in confusion.

“The K'Derias were empty, dead planets. No life. Just dust and sand and rocks. When people discovered ‘em, I figure they thought it was perfect. Twenty whole planets to turn into landfills. The whole universe dumps off its garbage on ‘em. And the few people that somehow ended up on one of these planets, have to dig through the garbage to survive. If you’re lucky, there’s a lil’ outpost somewhere, where you can trade anything good you find for credits or food.”

Thinking about it was painful. Talking about it was even worse.

“My mom was born on K’Deria 6. Dad too. I was born there. My sister was born there. K'Deria 6 was hell. It killed my mother and father. Took my sister too. Honestly, my parents were lucky to live long enough to have kids. And we were lucky to live as long as we did. No hospitals there, y’know? No doctors. No medicine. And when you’re livin’ in a pile of garbage? Yeah, you’re bound to catch a nasty couple’a things. Guess I was just lucky enough not to catch it. Whatever _it_ was. So my baby sister, who was only _five_ at the time, and I had to watch our parents die from a disease we didn’t understand. Then when my sister caught it a few months later… She was _five years old._ And she asked me to kill her.”

Steve gasped.

“Because she’d seen our parents die. Took a long time. Ate at them. They wasted away. And even when she was just five years old, she understood that there was nothin’ we could do. She told me she rather die quick and painless, than havin’ to waste away like they did. So once she fell asleep, I took my dad’s gun and blew her head off. Then I buried her in the garbage, and hoped no one would dig her out. ‘Cause y’know what they’d do if they found her? They’d _eat_ whatever was left of her. Wouldn’t even blame ‘em if they did. ‘Cause I know. _I know_ there ain’t nothin’ else to eat, so whaddya gonna do? Let good meat go to waste?”

Steve sniveled. He was crying on Bucky’s behalf. It wasn’t needed, though. Bucky had already cried enough about it.

“But me? I didn’t get sick. I kept workin’. Scavenged. Traded for credits. Saved up. Bought my ship off a disassembly line. First thing I wanted to do? Find whoever owned the planet, and kill ‘em. His name was Howard Stark. _But_ then I found out Stark had already got the axe years ago, and has sold the K’Derais off even before that. Could never find out who he sold ‘em to, though. It was just after my sister was born, actually, that Stark died. Guess most’a the blame wasn’t on him by the time she died. Still blame him, though.”

He emptied the gin bottle in a deep gulp, hoping to wash the taste of garbage out of his mouth.

“That’s why I’m doin’ this. ‘Cause whoever owns the K’Derias made me kill my baby sister. Nothing's gonna get in my way, Steve. Not even you. I’ll do anything.”

He let the bottle fall to the floor with a clink of glass. Then he got up.

“You get the couch. The bed’s mine. Wake me when the uniforms get here.”

Steve didn’t answer.

Bucky closed the bedroom door behind himself, all but collapsing against it.

 _Fuck,_ why was he crying again?! He said he wouldn’t cry over this again! Not again, not anymore! He was _done_ crying about it. He’d done his crying and that was enough of it. He didn’t need more tears, they didn’t mean anything, didn’t do anything, they were no use.

So why did they just keep coming like this?

He’d sworn he’d get whoever owned the K'Derias. He swore on his mother’s grave, and his father’s, and his sister’s. He’d sworn on every star he could see from K’Deria 6.

When he found Stark’s name, he’d thought that would be the end of it. His family would be avenged. He had _hoped_ he could finish it. Then he heard Stark had already died, and that hope had been dashed. Upon hearing the system had been sold long before then, another spark of that desperate hope had ignited; only to be extinguished again and again as he searched in vain for the buyer.

Maybe that was why he couldn’t stop crying now.

Because once more, there was hope. If he did this, the name would be his payment. Then he could finally end it, at last.

He burrowed in under the covers of the giant bed. The tears wet the pillows.

He didn’t want this burning ache in his chest anymore. The pressing grief, which weighed on his lungs and took his breath away, which clutched his heart and made it hard to just stay alive.

But at the same time, that ache fueled him.

It reminded him of what he had endured and what had been done to him, what he had been forced to do. The pain of the memories kept him going.

They were his reasons to keep living.


End file.
